


The Big Bad Wulf 2.0

by Fandora



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Character Death, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Heartbreaking, Implied/Referenced Abortion, Oral Sex, Rape, Romance, Sexual Content, referenced miscarriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-20
Updated: 2016-03-20
Packaged: 2018-05-28 00:05:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6305671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fandora/pseuds/Fandora
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a warning I played fast and loose with the DA world, mostly using its characters and names of places. Modern setting, current day. Solas is an ER Doc, and Fern Rutherford-Lavellan is child from a wealthy family that aspires to become a doctor earning herself the prestigious spot as Dr. Solas Wulfs resident, he assumes she paid for her spot and treats her like something he stepped in, Ferns Brother Cullen is having a rough time, well not really a rough time his life seems to be an endless party after getting out of the army, unfortunately, the alcohol and drugs only numb the pain he hides. Throw in a Vivacious best friend, and a naked Guineapig named Eggs and you got yourself a story. Welcome to my insanity, I loved writing it. and I hope you enjoy reading it... And I'm sorry</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Big Bad Wulf 2.0

**Author's Note:**

> The voice of Katherine Lavellan was written by my beta Domi she did an amazing and beautiful job on a character that I had previously ignored as just a bitch. having said that however, Katherine's story is tragic and full of triggers. 
> 
> ** Triggers Triggers ** normally I don't put 3 potential triggers in my stories but in the case of this one for the one character, it is fitting for the story not just rammed in to be shocking so please, please. if Rape, Miscarriage, and abortion are emotional triggers just don't read please. The rape happens 2X and is graphic the miscarriage, and abortion is spoken of as in "She had one" but no details on either event.

The voice through her phone was hard to understand, the reception at the Renaissance fair was horrible, most of the time. Normally she wouldn't have bothered, but the number had called five times in the last thirty minutes. 

She was dressed this year in her best costume yet; thanks to her best friend’s hard work and pin-pricked fingers. Fern was a combination of dark fairy mixed with one of the fates, she had on a long blue and black tattered dress paired with a leather corset completed by draped hooded midnight blue cloak. The pride and joy of her costume were the huge tattered black wings strapped on her back giving the whole ensemble an impression of fallen angel. There were advantages of having a professional costume designer and makeup artist as a friend since you were an infant. Her makeup was done to give her the appearance of a fairy witch, she even had filigree metal elf ears to complete her extraordinary costume.

She broke character holding up a finger to Maxine, the artist behind both their costumes and makeup. She usually started planning the day after the Renaissance fair every year then worked tremendously the rest of the year to create the amazing costumes they chose to wear. Next year, they were going to attempt something even more arduous in the “geek” level, the plan was for some strange game called Dragon age. Apparently she would be a great Morrigan, whoever that was. 

Max was eyeing her impatiently, they were losing the group, “Come on Fern!!”.  
Holding up her hand to wait, Fern shouted into her phone, “Hello? Hello yes, this Philomena Lavellan,” cringing as the woman said her name, “Yes, I have a brother named Cullen. Yes, Oh God! I'm on my way! Have you called my parents?”.

Giving her friend a withering look, Fern felt her stomach knot, leaving her nauseous. They had barely been there an hour, and so much work had gone into their outfits.  
“Max, I have to go. It’s Cullen”. Sighing, she watched her friend deflate, it was always something with him.  
“What did the jackass do now? Arrested again? Got caught sleeping with some married woman? Or my favorite, does he owe people money, and they won't let him go until you bail him out? Honestly, Fern... if he...wasn't your brother...” joked Maxine.

Fern was fishing in her pouch for the car keys, dropping them in frustration twice before she let the tears come. “He overdosed, they said he was trying to commit suicide.”

Max snatched the keys from the ground, declaring “I’m driving,” in a firm voice.

The Mini Cooper skidded to a halt in front of the emergency department. Bursting through the doors, Fern could only pause at the horrified stares, suddenly remembering that she was dressed somewhat like the angel of death as she ran to the front desk. 

Panting, she began to hyperventilate as she stood there. The reality of this dreadful news crashing into her like a tidal wave, she stood there, unable to move, being overwhelmed. Max, god bless her, stepped in, “Cullen Lavellan, we are his sisters”. The nurse's eyes grew wide, “Right, this was a Mr. Lavellan, we have him in ... well, the Lavellan wing on the second floor room 3.”

They ran through it twice, but eventually found room 3. He looked so pale with tubes running out of his body and the slow wheezing sound from the machines were filling the room. Max stood at the side of the bed watching as Fern crawled into the bed with him, gingerly cradling his head to her chest, smoothing back the blonde curls plastered to his forehead. He was only 23, he hadn't always been like this, but this last year had been so painfully excruciating for him. 

While Fern was away at med school, her baby brother, the day of his 18th birthday joined the army. She was so proud of him, not turning out like so many of the other young ones who had the privileges they had growing up. Yes, they were spoiled but their parents made them work for the big things; they both bought their cars with the money they had earned through working, had always jobs for spending money. While their family was a legacy in the city, and their parents had more money that they could spend in twenty lifetimes, they wanted their children to understand that hard work had its own reward. 

Cullen was mister all-American in school, Captain of the Football team, et cetera, etcetera. He had had the same girlfriend since he was fifteen. Solona and Cullen were the perfect future power couple that it was nearly sickening for an outsider to witness. She came from the right family in their mother's eyes, and Cullen adored her, placing her on a pedestal.  
He had always had his eye on politics, Solona’s father was a senator and he suggested that “The boy get his boots wet, for a couple years, put some callouses on his hands” before he would join Solona in university. Cullen had always wanted to serve his country, in any way he could. Taking Senator Amell’s words to heart, he shocked everyone when he announced he was joining the military. 

The night of his going away party, before his deployment, he proposed to Solona. He promised her that he would move heaven and earth to come back to her. Solona told him how proud she was of him, and she would write every day, she was going to University and would carve out a life for them when he returned. 

The wedding date was set for the year she would graduate with her law degree. Six years was going to be a long time to wait, but they would only be 24. She would have finished her degree and he would be done with his obligation to the military so they could put down roots and grow together. They had a plan. She had never said a word in any of her letters, but when he came back from his year away, she broke up with him that night. He wouldn't tell anyone why, just saying they weren't the same, he was devastated. 

Throwing himself into his career, taking dangerous missions and risks; his letters were filled with adventure but never happiness. Cullen went on back to back deployments. After 3 years away, when he finally came home he wasn't the same, he was scrambled, harder, his eyes were dead and he fell into the privilege trap. 

He didn't bother to re-enlist and began to become everything his parents had tried to prevent. Living off his trust fund from his grandparents, he bought the cars, the women, the drugs. He was someone Fern didn't even recognize anymore. He was 22, he was rich, and he was devilishly handsome, the trifecta of a playboy that women were all desperate to have and he had no reason to refuse their advances. 

Her baby brother was constantly drunk, stoned or in the tabloids. Fern had managed to stay out of the limelight but Cullen, he seemed to seek it out, if it could cause controversy, he would do it. Sleeping with high powered men's wives, getting caught with nefarious people, arrested for possession. 

Kissing his forehead she wiped her tears that were soaking his curls, Dr. Pavus was in the hall talking to her parents about the kind of help they might want to consider; the beeping of machines in the room was hard to handle. 

Pressing her lips to his forehead whispering to him, “Let me help you, you are not alone, I love you, please, please don't go.” His tube covered hand came up and covered hers on his chest squeezing it. His beautiful amber eyes flickered open, it killed her to see the initial flash of disappointment at waking up in them, before he plastered on his smile. “Hey, Fern why the tears? I thought you were at the Ren's fair with Maxie?” 

Max tweaked his toe, making him look down to the end of the bed. He winked, grinning at her “Maker's Breath! You look like sex on a stick!!”. She stuck her tongue out at him “Well Commander, how am I supposed to trap a man if I don't show off the goods?” 

“Indeed…”, the voice in the doorway held a fair amount of contempt and the expression on the doctor's face was the same one Fern made whenever she stepped in one of a Bubba’s wet hairballs in bare feet. 

He was an older man, but Fern couldn't tell exactly how old, in his forties maybe? His head was shaved which gave him a strange look, his body was slender yet muscular, giving an aura of mystery and power. He might had simply chosen to shave instead of going bald; a proud man.

“Now if you two would vacate, his family is outside and I'm sure they would rather not have, well, have more to deal with than the issue at hand. I assure you, he has your number or the name of whatever corner he found you both on, please leave”. Cullen couldn't help but laugh, which turned into a coughing fit, that had Fern kneeling on the bed holding a bowl so he could vomit, the meager contents that the stomach pump had not found. 

Max stepped in front of the good doctor and flicked his ID badge with her fingers, “Dr. S. Wulf ... Is it, as in the big bad?… Are you going to huff and puff and all that? Cuz I happen to…” smirked at him with an annoyed voice

She didn't get to finish the rest of that sentence as Carrington stepped through the door in his $10,000 suit levelling her with the dad look. “That will be about enough young lady, Dr. Wulf here is only doing his job, he had no way of knowing our daughters would be in Renaissance fair costumes.” 

Carrington Rutherford had come from nothing, he had a miserable childhood and at the age of sixteen, he left home and an abusive alcoholic father, to start fresh in a new city. He found an opportunity for his survival by finding his home in the mailroom of Cullen Lavellan Sr.’s company and boxing on the weekends. He lived in his car for almost a year, while he worked his way up, saving every cent he could to invest. When the old Lavellan noticed him the first time, it was because he heard the mail boy was making amazing strides in the stock market. He took him under his wing, and the rest as they say is history. 

His wife had insisted that the children have her family name because it would open more doors and such. It was a sore spot with them, but he relented because he adored her and it wasn't worth the dog house, although his cars were much nicer now. If you asked either of the children they would both tell you it didn't matter to them. However, all of Cullen’s military jackets had “Rutherford” stitched on them. 

Carrington raised an eyebrow at Maxine, daring her to continue, "Interesting outfits this year my dear, you out did yourself”. She had grown up in his house; when her stepfather tried to molest her at the age of seven, it was Carrington who put a stop to it by the force of arms against the abusive man and took her away. When high school ended, she didn't know how she was going to pay for college, Carrington was the one who gave her a check and a note saying “I am proud of all you have done and excited to see all you will do!”. He loved her like she was his own, and as such treated her like he would his own child, expecting the same standards from her as he did them. When Maxine graduated from college, she legally changed her last name to Rutherford calling it her rebirth, wanting the new name for her career. With the stroke of a pen, Maxine Rutherford was born and her fashion legacy began.

Katherine Levellan swooped in, linking her arm with Carrington's, she always seemed to feel the need to lay claim to the man whenever they were together. In her mother's defense, her dad was a very handsome man, he turned a lot of heads but seemed to not notice or ignore the attention, “Maxine and Philomena, this is Dr. Solas Wulf, Director of the ER, also whom you Fern, will be doing your residency with, in a few weeks.” 

The good doctor looked like he was about to vomit as he glared at his future protege cradling her playboy brother, wearing some bizarre costume that made her look like a Halloween hooker.

Dr. Wulf pinched his nose, biting back the words that were about to tumble out of his mouth. Something about spoiled over privileged airheads who probably made it through med school on their backs. This right here was exactly why he was fighting to be able to interview and choose his own resident. 

Composing himself he smiled at her, “It will be an interesting residency I’m sure”. Looking back at the chart, he continued, “Okay Cullen, medically you are stable enough to go home. If Dr. Pavus says it's okay, then I see no reason to keep you here.”

He handed Dorian the chart, levelling his gaze at Fern, “Miss. Lavellan, I will see you in a couple weeks, I hope you understand the prestige this position holds and take it seriously”. All Fern could do was nod in shock, Solas paused before he left looking back at her, “Oh and one thing to keep in mind, I despise tardiness.”

The door was barely closed before Max whistled “WOW! What a dick!”, Fern was trying to crawl off the bed, mortified that she had met her future mentor like this. 

Dorian was standing there, silent taking the family dynamic in, “So Cullen, were you trying to OD? OR was this just too much party?”. Looking down at his hands as they shook, trying to control them “I…uh… I think I might have had my drink spiked or something, I will admit I'm no angel but I didn't take any more than I have in the past.” 

Dorian nodded “Mm hmm well, at least, it wasn't that nasty new shit Corypheus, that stuff is deadly and it makes you insane.” 

Max blurted out “I heard about that stuff, the Samson kid drank the kool aid, and suddenly was talking about old gods and golden cities right before he threw himself off a cliff, doesn't it make you think you're immortal?” 

Dorian looked annoyed “Yes and now that you have made it sound oh so terrible to a self-admitted drug abuser, shall we continue or would you like to tell him about cocaine euphoria as well?” 

Carrington hugged Max to his side and kissed the top of her head while Dorian continued, “In any case, Cullen, I'm sure we don't need to have a “drugs are bad mmmk talk”, you're a brilliant man from what I gather, who has been making some shit choices. So I am going to release you into your parents custody and once a week I want you to come to my office so we can discuss why? I don't buy the whole “cuz it's fun” bull shit”. 

Katherine put her arm around the girls “Ladies, I know you two have your own lives but I think right now we need to rally as a family, and we can't do that if you are off doing your own thing, would you consider moving back home for a little bit just so we can help your brother through this?”

Cullen protested “Mom honestly, they don't need to do that, hell, I don't even want to do that.” 

Fern gave him the big sister look “Listen here mister, you are going to move in with mom and dad until whatever this is, is hashed out, and Max and I will be behind doors number 2 and 3.” 

Flopping back on the bed his hands carding through his hair. “Alright, this should only suck a little, let’s go.” 

Max and Fern headed back to their apartment to pack up some things and get Bubba, it took them a couple hours but they finally pulled into the garage of the big old mansion. It was just a little past four so Fern was surprised to hear her dad's voice raised, her parents never fought. “Yes Katherine, I'm going back to the office for a few hours, I'm sure you will be able to handle our grown children just fine, or should I call their nanny and see if she's available?”

Walking into the room before her mother could answer “Momma, Daddy! We are here, we're just going to go put our stuff away.” She put Bubba down and he immediately ran over to the wing chair in front of the fire place and fell asleep. Carry scratched his ears affectionately “I will see you both at dinner I have a meeting I can't miss. I won't be later than 7.”

Carrington pulled up in front of the huge brick building. It stood out in the middle of downtown when everything else had been knocked down and converted to chrome and glass, disposable as the companies they housed. Skyhold industries had weathered the storm, and came out as a landmark. 

Greeting people as he strode through the main lobby, nodding at the security guard doing his rounds “Afternoon, Bull.” Iran smiled and nodded “Afternoon Boss.” Carrington had called the man that ever since the day he jumped through a window, to grab a man who had assaulted a woman in their lobby, Iran was sure he would get fired for the window, but Carrington gave him a nickname and a promotion.

Peeking in the window of Val Royeaux, he smiled at the woman behind the counter, she was wearing an apron covered in sunflowers, her shoulder length blonde hair was pulled back showing off her beautiful features. He knew she was getting ready to close for the day; concentrating on something in her head, her face was drawn up in concern. 

Carrington knocked on the door, making her look up and when she saw him, her face changed instantly into a warm smile. The tiny cafe was set up like a french bistro, there wasn't a lot of tables but most of her orders anyway were for her amazing coffee and pastries to go. 

When Becca had first started Val Royeaux fifteen years ago, she was a widow with two small kids She had worked in the coffee shop owned by Skyhold industries, it was like every other chain shop; zero personality and everyone was on the phone or in a hurry. No one stopped to talk, or to enjoy, she felt like she worked at McDonald's most days. 

When she started baking her nut bread, pies, and cinnamon buns at night for extra money, she asked and was given permission to sell them in the lobby. On her days off, she would come in and sit on a chair by the elevator selling her baked goods. It took her 4 years of doing that 3 days a week, but she saved every penny, mortgaged her tiny house and went to Carrington Rutherford with a dream, a business plan … and a pecan sticky bun. 

Now ten years later, she had 3 other shops in similar buildings around town. Carry teased her saying half the foot traffic in his lobby in the morning, was for her business and not his. He smiled seeing the “Exotic Orchid of the Day”; when he found out they were her favorite, he had a new one delivered every day to her, along with other flowers for her 4 tables. He was checking messages on his phone; hearing her clear her throat he knew he was busted. He looked up sheepishly at her, she was giving him the look and pointing to the sign that read “Your momma taught you better manners than that, turn off your cellphone.”

Laughing, Carrington replied, “Ok, Ok, it’s off, but I have to go upstairs, but before you go home, could you bring me a large coffee and a sticky bun?” 

She pointed at him “I will bring you a coffee, but you get an apple bran muffin, remember what your cardiologist said?”. He pouted, but she was shooing him out. “Go, go, I need to mop and get ready for the morning, I will see you in an hour with your coffee and treat.” Grinning at her he knew he had won, blowing her a kiss as he closed the door behind him.

One hour right on the nose she appeared at the side of the boxing ring he had set up in the company gym. She had locked the door behind her, placing the coffee and bun on the table and walked up behind him; he was in the zone beating the shit out of the medicine bag. The fight evaporated from his entire body when she wrapped her arms around his waist, pressing her face into his back. “How is he? Maker, when you sent me that text this morning and I saw you sprinting through the lobby, I was so scared we were going to lose him,” she said, her tears threatening to come again.

Carry pulled her into his arms, dropping his gloves so he could cup her face kissing her, he clung to her like a drowning man would to a life preserver, but that's essentially what she was. In the last 10 years she had given him everything of herself, and never once asked for anything in return other than to be loved in return, and Maker's breath did he ever. 

“He’s OK, he’s home safe, the girls are with him, I wanted you with me so badly today. I, oh god, I need you Becca!” 

Without words she pulled her dress over her head, the low growl erupted from his throat when he saw that she had already taken off her panties. Even at almost sixty he was ready for her. 

Pushing her back on the mats he thrust into her, his hips snapping into her, her fingers carding through his salt and pepper hair. He was a handsome man, and he had only gotten better with age, his square jaw and playful eyes, strong arms and broad shoulders, he kept in amazing shape boxing still. Occasionally, he would school the young pups when they got a little cocky. 

Currently, his close-trimmed beard and mustache were giving her the most amazing whisker burn on her neck. He was twelve years older than her but neither of them cared, she loved him with her soul and he returned that affection back to her every day. Grinding into her, he took her hard, the way she liked. When she was close he watched her with a predatory gaze, drinking in her passion, saturating himself in her, before he followed her. 

Carry held her in his arms, caressing her arm, her head was on his chest, they were both sleepy but knew it was dangerous to give into that. “Is he truly OK, or are you just not wanting me to worry?” Bringing her fingers to his lips he kissed each one including the finger she wore his ring on. She wore a simple wedding band on her right hand and he wore its mate on his right hand, while it wasn't legal in the eyes of the courts or god, in their hearts it was solid and that's all that mattered. “For the first time in a very long time my love, I think he's going to actually be OK. He’s home, and willing to get help, that's all we can ask for.” Giggling she laughed “Well I could ask for a round two.” Pulling her over the top of him, they both cried out when he granted her request.

Trudging up the stairs to his home, it was like a weight settling around his neck, the kids were all home that was something to smile about, but what condition would his wife be in? Drunk most definitely, the question would be how bad, and if she had taken anything else along with the liquor.

He was greeted at the door by Bubba who promptly fell over for belly scratches, not to be the one to deny his grand cat, he picked him up and snuggled the fat cat, belly scratching as he searched for his family.

Dinner was uneventful, no one knew what to say, so Max talked the entire time. She told them weird stories about her job and the projects they were doing, it felt like she was afraid of the silence, her family was hurting and she didn't know how to fix it. Looking at Fern “So what's with that Dr. Wulf guy? He was a treat, wasn't he?”

Fern groaned, “Dear Maker, did you see how he looked at me? Right now he's probably in his office going through my application trying to find any reason to reject me.” Her father took her hand and squeezed it “You are going to be an amazing doctor, you are brilliant and talented, and can do anything.” Looking at all of his kids, he added “ All three of you amaze me every day, and even on days like today when we might stumble, as long as you pick yourself up and continue on your life's path then it's just a blip on the timeline.” 

His wife at the other end held up her half empty wine glass, was she on bottle number two? “Hear, hear, even the one that didn't come out of my body, you have talent Missy, I mean the way you can transform Philomena into something…,” Carrington cut her off, “Darling, dinner was lovely, would you join me in the study for some after dinner alone time?” 

Fern, Max and Cullen all kind of scattered for the evening, Max was talking to her newest love, Cullen went to bed and Fern was searching for Bubba. If it hadn't been for that, she wouldn't have been caught in her parents sitting room behind the couch trapped.

Katherine slammed the door, her voice bordering on hysterical, accusingly she shouted. “You went to her again didn't you? Don't deny it I can smell her whore stench on you.” Fern could hear her father's tired sigh, she was expecting him to tell her she was being ridiculous that she was his only love; her mother ever the drama queen, had pulled this crap all their lives. She was older than Carrington and constantly paranoid he was leaving her for a younger woman. Fern laid down on the floor she knew this was going to take a while, and it’s not like she could just pop up now. She could hear her father getting undressed, the sound of his cuff links scattering on his dresser echoed in the room, she had to cover her mouth to stop the shout when she heard the next sound.

The room reverberated with a loud crack as someone struck someone else, Fern had to fight the urge to see who hit whom. Her mother's panicked voice told her all she needed to know and more, “You can't even deny it, our son was in the hospital, he almost died Carrington! And you dump me off at home to go to your whore!” 

His voice was firm “That is enough, Katherine! I will not have you talking about Rebecca that way, and yes I went to the office, and yes she was there… do you want more details? Do you want to know how she cried with relief in my arms when I told her my son was going to be Ok? Do you want to know how she held me and reassured me that it really was going to be Ok… or do you want the dirty details, like how I took her on the mats in the gym while I was covered in sweat, or how she cried out my name when I pressed my tongue into her, here do you want to see.” 

Fern was in shock she could hear her father taking off clothing, his voice permeating the room 

“Look at me Katherine! Look, see the scratches she left on my arms and chest, evidence of our passion-proof that I gave and took pleasure in her body.” 

There was another slap, and this time, she heard her father laugh, “That's right! Play the wounded housewife who is being humiliated by her boorish husband! Let’s not forget who drove who to the abortion clinic to terminate a baby that wasn't mine, even after I begged you not too, promising I would give them my name. 

No, wait that would be your name because mine doesn't mean shit compared to a Lavellan! Let's not forget that the last time you let me near you in any way sexual, Cullen was still in diapers. You know what pisses me off Kat, I could live without the sex, if that was the issue, but the fact that I'm nothing to you, you show no affection to me. You don't touch me, or hold me or kiss me, then you berated me when I try, so yes Katherine, I have someone who fills that roll and is happy to do it. You seemed happy with the arrangement ten years ago when you shoved her at me. You came to me remember that, you told me to find love in another's arms. I did as you asked me too, I have kept my end of the bargain. It’s discreet, quiet and I still grace your arm like a lap dog at all the functions as the doting husband. So this wounded victim shit you are playing is useless, I never once lied to you, and you gave me your blessing to fill your spot in my bed, so fuck off. You know what, suddenly I'm not feeling so tired, I’ll go to a guest room so I don't disturb you and your wine.”

Carrington stormed out and slammed the door behind him, She listened to her mother sob, with her hand against the door eventually she ran a bath. As soon as the door was closed, Fern escaped.

“Let him go, let him hate you Kat…there is no other way and you know it. Just hold on a little longer,” Katherine told herself. 

Slipping into the scalding mineral bath, she slowly let it pink her skin easing the physical ache, but nothing… nothing would ever ease the bone deep ache at what her life had become. 

So she drank, to numb that pain. 

Ten years ago, after a long and deep thinking process, she resolved herself to let her husband free to love someone else. Someone that would be here for him in good and worse times. One that was free to return his affections. 

Today had been so tough, so hard. Her little boy laying on that hospital bed, with tubes going from his body, coupling him to machines. How she had wanted to find comfort in her husband’s arms, she thought that they could talk together in the afternoon, but he had left to go to this office, to her, probably. 

She knew it was all for the best, but some small part of her had not yet accepted her fate, so today, it all burst out like a bloody and wounded sore. The emotional pain was so intense, she felt cracking hot flashes of rage behind her eyes lid. She had tried to drown the pain and abandonment in the wine. 

Watching herself take a sip of the traitorous liquid as she stared in the mirror surrounding the tub. Larger than life, big enough you couldn't hide your flaws in here. Once upon a time, it reflected images of passion and need, as her husband made love to her in the very tub she soaked it. It had been their refuge after Philomena came along, the one place little people gave privacy. 

Sinking lower, the water from the tub licking at the tendrils of her hair, The mirrors so once full of love, mocked her, now all they ever reflected was her pain and self-destruction. 

She resumed her staring. Her eyes were bloodshot, the wrinkles around them told more of her own story than she would like, no amount of Botox had fixed them. Her skin still retained a nice glow that she was faking by using expensive cosmetics. She felt her entire existence was a lie. Well, not her entire existence. Only the last twenty-five years or so. 

Recalling the past was never a good idea, and Katherine tilted her head back to hold back the tears that were forming in her eyes. She pushed her tongue to her palate and swallowed the sob that was pressing in her throat. She faced the mirror again, losing herself in the memories of happier times when they were free, or at least, not as burdened by life as they were now. 

She was young, he was young, they were madly in love, they just had welcome their beautiful baby girl, Philomena. They enjoyed life, traveled around, took walks in the park, sat by the fire rebuilding the world with their words, made love on the soft carpet in front of the fireplace. Carrington had wanted another child, but she didn’t seem to be able to carry on the pregnancies. She would get pregnant but inevitably, as the second month arrived, she would bleed and lose the baby. It wrecked her nerves. Carrington had begged her to seek medical help, that he still loved her, he would be there for her. But Katherine was proud. Proud to a fault. Her family name might open doors but it weigh on her shoulders. “Always be perfect, stand straight, have the best grade, make a worthy match,” were words constantly repeated to her as she grew up. 

When she saw Carrington the first time, although he was not from her social milieu, she had been intrigued by his good looks, his wit, and kindness. She secretly watched him whenever she could. She had attempted to flirt with him, but he had turned her down a few times gently and softly. 

It was once she thought that all hope to marry the man of her dreams had gone out, that her father saw her tears and consented to the union of his beloved daughter to his protege. So there she was, all those years into her marriage, with a man she adored, a daughter that made her delight every day, but she was unable to give another child to her husband. Discretely she had consulted with a fertility doctor from outside town, and he told her that everything was normal on her results and blood work, that stress might be a factor, that she should just relax and it would happen when she would least expect it. Oh, that it did. 

That same evening when she was out of town, Katherine decided to have a drink at a bar. She didn’t seem to notice the looks she gathered from men around her. Her long and slender body, the few wild curls escaping her strict chignon, her round breasts filling her cream crepe blouse in a cinched charcoal suit. The man next to her at the bar had been eloquent and listened to her as she was sipping her martini, she just had taken a few seconds to look inside her bag for her keys when she lifted her eyes again. The man had been smiling intently at her. Guessing his intentions towards her deciding to put a halt to it, she thanked him for the chat and got up from her seat to leave. 

The world around her spun, she dragged herself across the floor, her feet barely supporting her weight, she reached for the wall with her hand. 

The man had caught up with her and was holding her hand, “You visibly aren’t in any state to drive now, maybe I could drive you back to your hotel? It’ll be safer for you,” he whispered softly to her. 

Katherine felt her tongue was numb, she couldn’t articulate a word. She could not nod or scream for help. She felt like a passenger in her own body. 

The rest was so blurry; a few flashes of her sitting on the passenger’s seat of her own car, the man fondling her thigh, spreading them slightly, the smirk on his face. 

Katherine’s eyes swelled up at the memory, she shook her head trying to dissipate the images, but the flashes continued. He was over her naked body, thrusting into her, she could see but not do anything, she was crying and yelling for Carrington in her head, but no sound came out, the man was licking her neck, grabbing her hair and whispering obscenities in her ears. 

How she had awoken naked, bruised, numb; her body and sheets covered in semen. How she had scrubbed herself to the point of making her skin red from the harsh treatment under the shower. How she drove back home in a panic, how she avoided Carrington for weeks. He would kill the man who raped her, he would tell the police. The police couldn’t get involved, not her, a Lavellan doesn’t get raped. The tabloids would be all over it. It would ruin everything her father had build, everything she and Carrington had built. And as if the fate wasn’t horrible enough, she discovered in anguish that she was pregnant as a result of the rape. 

She hoped that a miscarriage would terminate the pregnancy but it didn’t. She tried to cause an abortion by herself, drinking heavily, taking prescription drugs, even special herbs, but no, there was only one thing left to do. She told Carrington that she had a drunken night when she was out of town, that she needed him to drive her to the abortion clinic. 

Past the first shock and the betrayal’s stupor, he had attempted to comfort her and console her, telling her that he would recognize those children if need be. Katherine couldn’t explain to him, she couldn’t let him do that, she would hate this child, she would perhaps even try to kill it, no, no, no, if there was any child to be, it would be Carrington’s, it would be born out of love.  
The tragedy impacted her marriage gravely. It took Katherine and Carrington months to become intimate again. 

The doctor didn’t know what helped but Katherine was expecting again. Carrington was beyond himself with joy. He doted on her, Philomena was excited to become a big sister. Those months of pregnancy with her loving family did miracles on Katherine’s night terrors; she started sharing a bed again with Carrington. When the baby came to the world, he was a sight! No one could look at him and not melt. He was a charming boy, shaped like a cherub. As he grew up, his face was framed with golden curls, he had dazzling hazel eyes and always a smile. 

He was a precious boy, Cullen. She had insisted that the boy was named Cullen, after her own father; that maybe, he would bring them luck. Carrington was so proud of having a son, that despite a mild protest, he agreed easily, her father had been good to him.  
Her life was heading towards the right path again. Katherine engaged herself into humanitarian causes, throwing fundraisers, and launching a few more initiatives around town to sponsor charities. 

That morning, she had arranged a meeting at Skyhold Enterprises to meet with Carrington and a promising sponsor, the newest link in her social network. As she strode through the lobby, she stopped at the smell of freshly baked cinnamon buns. She bought one from the fresh and lovely blonde woman by the elevator, wearing an apron depicting fresh red berries. She took a bite and the sweet and spicy taste of sugar and cinnamon filled her mouth, the pastry was light yet sweet; it was a delicious whirlwind of gustative experience. “This is delicious! Do you bake those yourself?” - “Well, yes, Madame. I work at the coffee shop on my main time, but I am trying to save up so I can open my own bakery one day”, the woman replied with a sparkling smile. “I’ll take a dozen, I am headed to a meeting. I’ll be sure to whisper your name up there”. Katherine held out her hand to the woman, the woman seized it and shook it firmly, “Rebecca Trevelyan”. 

The meeting was a great success, opening new business opportunities for Skyhold Industries.  
But as the sunniest skies can sometimes a dark presage, Katherine’s fate was about to change.  
An early morning of November, she had walked into her doctor's office for a routine check-up, but it had hardly taken the casual routine road it should have. 

Something was strange, unusual. Her Physician sent her to do a full blood work check just to be sure. A normal person would have had to wait at least a week for results, but a Lavellan doesn’t have to wait for more than a couple days. She was surprised to see her Doctor, standing in her foyer, asking to see her. The results were dreadful, he had wanted to deliver the news in the privacy of her own home rather that in the hospital. The more he talked, the more Katherine wandered into a place where all of this was just another of a nightmare.

“Leukemia” , “chemical treatment”... and there, in the middle of it all, the word came out “cancer”. Cancer. Cancer. Cancer. It banged inside the walls of her mind like a gong that made her skull vibrate. “ can be manageable with chemotherapy and drug therapy…”. Katherine’s eyes swelled up, one tear slowly rolled down her face. 

“Of course, I’d be happy to recommend a psychologist if you need to talk to someone, either here or out of town.” 

As he left the room, he gave a gentle squeeze on her shoulder since she remained sitting staring into the emptiness. If she told Carrington, he would move earth and sky to find a cure, but a cure for cancer? Who was she joking? She could try to postpone things, but how long would be she be able to hide it? Wasn’t chemotherapy going to drain her strength, take her gorgeous curls away? 

So many unanswered questions. She felt the turmoil in her brain taking over her, like the walls were coming closer and closer; her breath shortened as her pulse accelerated. She was having a panic attack. Her entire body was shaking, her lips quivered and her hands trembled as she tried to dial for an ambulance. It was hopeless, she just typed all numbers wrong, her tears blurred her vision. In one humongous effort, she grabbed the phone and threw it against the mirror on the wall, it shattered into a thousand pieces, Katherine fell to her knees yelling a loud “Fuck!”, her body curved into a ball, convulsing under her sobbing tears. “Daddy...why? What have I done to deserve this? Oh Maker, help me!”, she muttered through her tears then she fell the darkness swallow her. She passed out. 

Katherine’s eyes flickered then at a price of a strained effort, she opened them. Carrington was holding her hand, he was sitting beside her bed, he had fallen asleep. At her wrist, she noticed a hospital ID marker band, and a perfusion tube leading to an intravenous pouch of what she assumed was a saline water solution to prevent dehydration. How long had she been out? She had no recollection of being brought to the hospital or being found on her bedroom’s floor. What happened? Her fingers twitched involuntarily. Carrington awoke when he felt the movement in his hand. 

“Kat? Honey? How are you feeling? You’ve been in and out of sleep for the last two days.”

Katherine struggled to speak, her mouth felt dry. “I...I...it’s difficult to say.”. This persistent feeling of numb tongue was annoying. “I think I was taking a nap and maybe did some sleepwalking or it was another of my night terrors… I am not sure.”

Liar, screamed her mind at her. You know why. I cannot tell him, I cannot put my family through this. I am a Lavellan, I will endure. The hating voice slowly rumbled in the back of her head, it appeared that day and never left, leaving her with a constant turmoil of insults and hate whenever she was awake.

“Well, the good thing is that apparently, you are out of danger. You will be given some medication that will help you out over time, and the doctor also recommended some psychological counseling to help you go through this. I will be there every step of the way,” Carrington added with a soft and caring voice. There was so much tenderness in his voice, his eyes still filled with love when he was looking at her. They had been through so much together.

The following month had proven itself to be a trying time for the little family. The only light had been the little Maxine. She was a petulant and talented child. She had been afraid and enthusiastic, paranoid and confident; she was an exquisite blend of contradictions. 

Katherine saw so much of her in the young one thinking that the sky was only the limit to the newest addition to her family. What Maxine hadn’t received from her original family, Katherine and Carrington tried to make up for it in attention, nurturing and care. 

Her little Philomena was close enough in age to Maxine, and the little girls had developed strong affections for each other. It was not rare to see them plot in a corner or hear them whisper secrets to each other in the dark of the night when they thought the grown up had gone to sleep. 

Then Cullen’s second birthday came around. The entire mansion was in effervescence. The golden prince, who had nearly everyone wrapped around his finger, was turning two. Katherine had been through many catering catalogues, but not yet found exactly what she wanted for Cullen’s birthday cake. Then, she remembered the young woman she had met in the Skyhold’s office lobby. Yes, that would be perfect! She called the lobby’s secretary and ask for the woman’s number since she only knew her name. Rebecca didn’t pick up the two first times Katherine called, eventually, Katherine just left a message explaining the task at hand and hoping that Rebecca would call her back. Rebecca was enchanted at the prospect of taking onto such a big order, the two women had met and discussed what could be done and the type of decorations and flavours she could arrange for the party. Cullen’s birthday party was a great success, and Rebecca’s cake and other pastries were complimented, she had even given away all the business cards and menus she had printed out for the occasion. It was the start of something. 

January came by, and with it, its grey skies, it's cold wind, the icy chill of the mornings when Katherine would exit the warmth comfort of her bed. The itchy sensation in her throat made her cough, she grabbed one of the tissue on her bedside table and coughed into it. As she lifted the tissue from her mouth, she noticed the blood on the tissue. Again, damn it! It was the third week that she woke up to a bloody cough. It felt as she was the heroine of a nineteenth-century tragic novel who was about to die of typhoid, syphilis, or tuberculosis; not that there was a lack of tragic disease nowadays, hers just happened not to be very glamorous. And that damn conference she was supposed to attend later that week. 

She felt horrible these last days. She couldn’t remember the last time she had kissed Carrington or even had said a nice word to him. Lately, the only thing she would do is drag herself around her social duties and the mansion. She still tried to hug her children once a day, but she soon felt exhausted and retired to her room pretending to work onto something when she just craved to be lying down. 

Many times she heard a timid knock on her door, but she couldn’t bring herself to get up. Eventually, the knocks stopped. 

The hotel room wasn’t bad but spacious enough. It was only for one day, it would have to do.  
Katherine sat on the bed, reading up the program of the conference, she selected the lectures she wanted to attend, and the one talk she would be giving. She opened her briefcase, read through her notes and tried to memorize her points. 

She laid down for a short nap. Emerging a few hours later, she laid with her eyes opened, waiting for the sleep mists to dissipate. She pinched the bridge of her nose. She was supposed to call Carrington when she arrived to tell him she was safe and sound, but she had forgotten. He probably despised her already by then, she had been so cold and distant, sometimes, even condescending. It was spewing out of her mouth, like if some part of her hated him, but she didn’t, she loved him with every fiber of her body. 

One day, maybe, he would find someone that would love him as much as she loved him. She was not much of a wife anymore, not much of a mother anymore either. Those two were the roles that had been the most important in her life, the two aspects of her life that she loved the most; and her body betrayed her and them. Stop wallowing in your self-pity, you stupid woman! hissed the hateful voice at her. Feeling powerless, she grabbed the pillow and screamed in it. It helped lessen the pain a little. After a few minutes, she gathered her strength and stood up, rearranged her hair and slipped into the outfit she had planned for the afternoon. A simple straight cut long skirt below the knees, a dark satin shirt collared shirt with ruffles alongside the chest, and completed with a black blazer over a pair of low heeled black leather wedges. Her make-up was natural, she mostly tried to erase the dark circles around her eyes and put the accent onto her mouth with a dark shade of peach making her lips looking full and pouty. 

Walking into the hotel’s lobby, she greeted the people she knew and exchanged impressions about the conference’s program. She agreed to have a drink at the hotel’s bar with her acquaintances, walking across the lobby towards the bar, her eyes caught a glimpse of something that made her entire body stiffened. There, that profile, on that man. It’s him. He’s here. 

Terror shot through her, quickly she made an excuse, pretending she had forgotten something in her room. She took the stairs so he wouldn’t have time to spot her in the lobby. Busting through the stairwell door to her floor, she hurried to get to her room. The card, where is? Katherine rummaged through her bag, then she remembered she had put the card into her blazer’s pocket. As she put her hand into her blazer, a strong hand pulled her by the shoulder. He was staring at her, his face only inches from her. He placed his hand over her mouth, preventing her screams. 

“Oh baby, did you miss me? Cuz I surely missed you. Once I found out who you were, it took me forever to get you here. I couldn’t get enough of your soft skin, you were so tight around me, I knew how much you loved it as how much you were squeezing me. You dirty slut! I am going to make you scream…”

No, no, this can’t be happening to me. This can’t be happening again! He grabbed the card from her hand, opened the door and pushed her into the room. He closed and locked it behind her. With one swift movement, he turned his head to her with a devilish grin on his face. 

“Oh I am going to enjoy this…”.

Katherine got up and attempted to punch him. He easily dodged her grabbing her arm, twisting it into her back, he shoved her down onto the bed. With one hand, he released his belt and tightened it around her arms. Katherine writhed, trying to kick him, her voice trapped, muffled against the mattress. She heard the buckle of his belt opened, his pants falling to the ground. She knew what was going to happen. Maybe a part of her deserved it because of how she had treated her family? The voice in the back of her head raged, No, no one deserves this ever. She fought, she did everything she could to make him pay scratching kicking screaming when ever she had a voice, he wouldn't make her a victim willingly. 

The first thrust made me scream and thrashing against him , he was rough, taking no regards for her. He just used her, slapping her buttock, calling her names, then he turned her around and continued on abusing her. Somewhere in the middle her mind mercifully shut down, and he was just fucking her body. Hours later, after he was spent, he released her arms from the belt and left her half dead from the abuse. “See you next time babe…” he said when he slammed the door behind him.

Returning home Katherine, was barely a shell of a woman. The night terrors returned more often than ever, she had to be hospitalized to be watched over carefully. Carrington was terrified that she would kill herself. 

Turning the last five years in his head over and over and he couldn’t figure out how it all changed? What had happened to them. She had gone from a loving and caring, wife and mother to a condescending, high snotty and an ice wall bitch. 

He found himself randomly crying when he thought about it. They had stopped sharing a bed at night; they would still go to the same bedroom in the evening to give the illusion of a happy couple, but later on, Carrington would go to one of the guest room that he claimed as his own.  
One evening, as he was readying himself for bed, he heard a light rasp on the door, “Carrington, are you still awake?” -- “Yes, Kat, come in.”

Katherine was ready for bed, she moved gracefully over the rug, and sat carefully next to him on the bed. 

“I have something to say you my dear, I am not sure how you will react, but I feel it would be unfair of me to hold you to impossible expectations.”

“Kat, what are you talking about?”, Carrington raised a worried eyebrow at her.

Katherine seized his hand with hers, placing a light kiss on it. “I love you with all my heart, I know I have been horrible at showing it to you; I cannot explain to you why things are the way they are but I do not want you or our children to be miserable. You are a wonderful father. You deserve to be happy. I...I think you should find someone. Someone young and loving, someone that will help you take care of things that ...I cannot seem to provide for you anymore.”

Carrington raised up and knelt in front of her, looking up at her. “Kat, you are being unreasonable. I know things have been difficult these last years for us but there is no need for this. It’s crazy!”, he attempted to appeal to her.

“My love, I am serious. Trust me when I say these things to you. It has taken me a long time to come to this solution. I would not suggest it otherwise. All I ask is that you remain discreet about it so that it doesn’t affect our children or the business.”

“Even if I accepted these terms, I am not sure who would catch my interest.”

“Rebecca Trevelyan.”

“How? ...Where?...When?...”, Carrington stumbled on his words.

“The last few times I’ve seen you at the office, you were looking at her the way you used to look at me. She is a beautiful, gifted and caring woman.

Actually, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about helping her setting up her own business. She’s a sound investment, with the making of a business woman, she would do well. 

I am not telling you to go sleep with her at once, Maker, no! But give it some thought.”

At these words, she caressed his face and got up leaving him to reflect on her words in the comfort of his room.

That was so long ago, the small fractures between them turned to giant chasms. He couldn't even look at her anymore, Maker who was she kidding she couldn't even look at herself. 

Sighing as she let her body slip further into the warm water, The water was losing its heat and her bottle and glass were empty, it would be time to get out soon. 

She had been a social drinker, never an alcoholic, but the wine dulled her brain from thinking, and thinking was always leading her to dark places, where she felt she should be honest. No, honesty would destroy them all. She would keep on lying and maybe, just maybe, keep them safe from the truth. So like a sad routine taking over her decaying body, she kept on drinking. 

He was sitting in the study, a brandy in his hand, that action alone scared her. Her father almost never drank anything, not wine not beer, on a rare occasion he would have a brandy and that normally meant not good things. Stepping inside, she closed the study doors, “Papa?” He looked up at her just now realizing she was there, he had been texting. Holding out his hand to her “Come sit with me, we don't get to do this now that you are grown.” 

Curling her feet under her as she lounged on the couch next to him, “Papa, are you OK?” He held up his untouched glass “This, this is nothing hon, I just had a very long and stressful day, care to join me?” His cellphone was on the table and it flashed the name Becca and the message “I love you, I'm sorry this is happening. Sleep well.” His eyes shooting to his daughter, Fern was looking at the screen, she didn't know what to say. It wasn't a huge secret that her parents were miserable, all you had to do was live with them to see through the charade. 

“Fern, I can explain.” She was still looking at the phone, “You should tell her, you love her back and good night, girls hate waiting for that final text before bed.”

Slowly he picked up the phone and typed so that his daughter could see “Good night my love, Fern and I are sitting here talking and she saw the text, so I think I will be up for a little while.”

The response was almost immediate “Oh Maker no, I'm here if you need me.” 

Fern watched him read the messages he even read them out loud to her, but it was the smile the moment he saw her name, the joy this woman brought him. She hadn't until that moment realized how sad her father always was, his smile never reached his eyes … until now.

“Papa, would you… would you tell me about Becca? I mean she obviously makes you happy, and if she makes you happy then I'm happy for you.”

He eyed her slowly, choosing his words carefully and then he began “I have known Rebecca for almost 20 years now, she reminded me a lot of myself. Working hard to make a name for herself doing everything she could for her children so they could have a good life. I've been in a relationship with her for just under 10 years now, I did it with your mother's full knowledge and blessing.” Sitting forward he ran shaking fingers through his hair. 

“I think she thought it would be a simple fling and then I would get it out of my system. Maybe that’s what I thought too, at first. I wasn't expecting to fall in love with her, I really do love her Fern, she is my sunshine, my reason. Becca understands me, she knows things are complicated, she never asks me for more than I can give, and damn it if that doesn't make me want to give her all of it. But, I'm selfish too, I've worked so damn hard on this company if I leave… I leave with almost nothing, the money I don't really care about, it's what will happen to the business that I have molded and created for the last 30 years as CEO.”

Laughing bitterly as he pushed the glass of scotch around on the table, “Don't get me wrong, I'm not some martyr, I know I have the best of both worlds, and I'm thankful that I have two women in my life who allow me to do that. I don't want to get into your mother’s and I relationship because it's more information than I think a child needs, but let's just leave it that we were like a shooting star when we were young, we burned hot and bright sailing across the sky something magical but when the dust settled and life crashed in, we were left in the dark, two very different people wanting and needing different things.”

Fern nodded “Well that, and mom is kind of a bitch.” 

“Philomena Rutherford, she is still your mother and you will show some respect! Living with me was never easy, and especially after you kids were all gone, I was so happy while she couldn't seem to find hers. For years I watched the love of my life struggle and fail, hoping to find her way back to me again.” 

Nodding she hugged him, “Sorry papa, so can I meet her?” Smiling he opened his phone and unlocked a file filled with photos and brought up his favorite one where they took a selfie together on a beach. “You already have.” 

She was shocked, asking before she flipped through his very personal photos “May I?” He nodded and told her about each one, the one thing she couldn't get over was her dad's face, it was so filled with love and adoration for the woman that you couldn't be mad, she even watched the videos with him. The laughter, she had never heard her dad laugh like that, and the passion, there was one video where it looked like a vow renewal and the things he said to her, made Fern both blush and tear up. Pointing to his ring “I always wondered why you wore that? So Becca,…uh…, she has made every birthday cake I have ever eaten since I was 7?”

He nodded still looking at the photos “She’s so proud of you, she was one of the letters of recommendation that helped get you this residency, she frets about Cullen and how lost he is and cheers on our Max whenever she lands a big gig.” 

Fern hugged her dad “Today must have been very hard on her, Papa … why don't you go to her tonight, she's probably freaking out right now about us talking. Add the whole Cullen thing to that, she could use someone to make her smile. You have two suits from the dry cleaners in the hall closet, and I'm going to bet that after 10 years you have more than a few things at her house.” 

He kissed her forehead and left his untouched drink on the table, five minutes later she watched his lights disappear down the driveway.

Wait till she told Cullen and Max….

The general consensus with her siblings, both of whom were annoyed at being woken up to be told, was that they weren't surprised, and it was about time... 

It was about one thirty in the afternoon, her dad had mentioned that he liked to go have lunch with Becca every day he was able after the afternoon rush, so it should have been no surprise to either of them when Fern popped in. 

The scared and shocked look on Beca's face, when the young woman handed her a bright bouquet of flowers was enough to make Fern hug her tight, ashamed she hadn't seen it before, “Thank you for loving my dad.” The three of them sat and chatted, Fern finally got to know the woman who was so important to the most important man in her life. 

******************* 

Cullen was kicking the end of her bed “Hey, sleepy head, didn't you say you wanted to be at the hospital by 8am today?" Fern bolted upright in the bed she had fallen asleep studying, and time somehow melted in the night, or so it appeared, with the page of the book she was reading stuck to her face. “Oh shit! What time is it?” Scrambling for her phone, Cullen nodded at her side table “Uuhh 8 am”.

A string of curses followed which would have made his army buddies proud, he watched her as she flew around her room; no time to shower just a face wash messy bun and glasses today, she was out the door and flying down the road on her way to the hospital. 8:30 her dashboard glared at her, all her intentions for a good breakfast, hot shower and full makeup to show Dr. Wulf that she wasn't some degenerate flew out the window… now she was just looking like a homeless person. 

Running across the parking lot, she still could almost make it. Her bag decided it was a good time to dump the contents all over the floor, just as she walked into the front entrance. Chasing lipsticks and lotions she shoved it all back in and ran full sprint to the lounge where she was supposed to have met him in, about 10 minutes ago… Skidding to a stop, she flopped down on the couch trying to catch her breath, he wasn't there. He didn't wait. 

Fern could feel the tears burning behind her eyes, the sound of the flick of a newspaper had her snapping to attention, the voice of the shrink. What was his name? Dorian, it was Dorian.  
“If I was the protege of Dr. Solas Wulf, I personally would put my stuff in my locker and stroll into his office like you were 10 minutes early, he will respect your audacity even if your tardiness pissed him off,” Then looking at her over his paper, he added,

“I would cut out the snivelling girl crap Ms.Lavellan, or he will eat you alive, and have you on my couch before lunch.”

Tugging on her lab coat and fixing the nest on her head, she slapped on some lipstick then marched into his office and sat down waiting for him to acknowledge her presence. He was sitting there reading a book, both feet propped up on his desk. He knew she was there, and she knew he knew. Mentally telling herself she would not fidget, she would not fidget. Looking around the office it was cold and sterile, the only thing that added warmth were his piles of haphazard books, a single plant and a cage that held a… What the hell is that? It looks like a baby naked hippo. She was straining to try and see it, but not make it obvious about what she was doing. 

His voice tinged with a slight accent sounding slightly bored, he still hadn't looked up from his book “It's a guinea pig, I rescued him from a science lab. That is why he has no hair, and even through my best efforts I cannot seem to get it to grow”. She was standing over the cage now “What’s his name?”

She was petting him in his cage and he was soaking up the attention. It was only then that she noticed all the accessories his pet had, there was a ball and his cage was rather posh by guinea pig standards. Lifting the little pink guy out she snuggled him to her chest. 

“Be careful, he hates being handled, and his name is Eggs,” the little naked animal was soaking in the love burrowing into her hair, “Eggs? Why Eggs?” asked Fern. Finally, closing the book and dropping it on the desk, “If you must know, my 6 year old daughter loves boxtrolls and I brought him home in an Egg box. And before you ask, he’s here because she feels that I needed a friend at work. So I have Eggs. Now if you will kindly put him back, we can start our day.” 

She managed to make it through the morning without killing anyone and even took charge a few times, she tried making small talk with him but he was constantly moving, and on the go. What shocked Fern was his bedside manner, it was amazing! For someone who was so awkward with people, when it came to sick people, he was a damn rock star. Dr. Wulf's bedside manner was on point, saying exactly what they needed, hell, when they would leave a patient's room she felt better just by what he was saying. 

When lunch hit, he excused himself “Come to my office in an hour, till then, your time is your own.” 

She was enjoying Becca’s sandwich and a cinnamon bun that mysteriously was delivered to the main desk in the ED for her. Settling under a huge tree, perfect for lazy afternoons in the Park on the hospital grounds, Fern enjoyed a break. It was so nice to sit, after the morning marathon, her head still spinning from all the information and just the intense pace of it all. 

Fern was lost in her notes reviewing things that she had come across that morning when she heard the shrill squeal of a happy little girl calling to her dad. Looking up Fern couldn't help but smile, one of the nurses had a little girl that looked to be from the pediatric floor. The tiny child was in a wheelchair but had leg braces on, thinking to herself, Fern deducted that the child must have cerebral palsy or something. Grinning Fern was mentally cheering the little one on, as she watched her draw up a huge amount of determination, pushing off from the chair, wobbly on her braces. Fast as the little body would let her, maneuvering her way across the grass.

Fern couldn't stop it, she gasped out loud when she saw who was waiting for. 20 yards from the determined child, poised ready to catch her, she was shouting “Daddy, look, look!” and he was cheering her on. She watched, shocked as the big bad Wulf was actually tamed, holding his arms out to the child, snatching her when she was close, spinning her in the air as she giggled. 

Right before he grabbed her, Dr. Wulf put a giant plastic ball on the ground and it took Fern a moment to realize it held Eggs, and was headed straight across the lawn right for her, like a homing beacon.

Fern picked up the ball containing the naked hamster, bringing him back to his owners. “Apparently Eggs was going for a run, here you go safe and sound.” The pretty little girl looked up with huge green eyes holding her hands out for the ball “Oh thank you, do you know Eggs?”  
Nodding as Fern placed him in the child's lap “I do, we met earlier this morning when I was in Dr. Wulf’s office.” The girl's face lit up at the mention of her dad, looking between him and Fern, Solas finally chose to speak, “Dr.Lavellan I would like to introduce you to my daughter Daelyn. Daelyn, Dr. Lavellan is my new Medical resident, and Eggs really liked her this morning, he even let her hold him.” 

Daelyn’s eyes grew wide, “He never lets anyone but me, hold him, you must be special! Would you like to join us for lunch? Daddy, can she? Please?!” 

Solas eyed Fern warily, he had never introduced his daughter to anyone, he was counting on Fern being too busy in the doctor's lounge chatting people up when he agreed to take Daelyn outside for lunch today. He needed to treat this situation carefully, Daelyn had had so many people come and go in her short life when it got hard, that he was leery of letting the young socialite into this part of his life. “Oh Dae, Dr. Lavellan’s lunch hour is her own personal time sweetheart, we can't ask her to give that up, I’m sure she has other things she needs to do.”

Fern smiled at Daelyn, “How could I say no to having lunch with Eggs? Let me pack up my stuff and I will be right back, Ok?”  
Jogging across the lawn she couldn't help but laugh when Eggs kept right up with her, waited for her to gather her things then ran alongside her, back to the little family. 

The precious little girl was laughing “It looks like you made a friend Dr. Lavellan.” 

Fern grinned down at her little-naked sidekick, “Oh if we're going to eat lunch together you definitely need to call me Fern.” Daelyn made an odd face “Your momma and daddy named you Fern?”  
Solas choked on his apple, “Daelyn, where are your manners? That's not very nice!”. He looked mortified. 

Laughing Fern couldn't help but shake her head, “No, it's OK, and actually Fern is a nickname my little brother gave me, My given name is far worse and I don't really like it very much. It’s Philomena.” Both Fern and Daelyn make the ewww face. “I know right? Thankfully, I got a pesky little brother when I was about your age... and he would tease me about reading all the time. He would say that if I didn't move more from reading under trees, ferns and moss would grow on me, then he started calling me Ferny or Mossy, and Fern just stuck.”

Fern was holding Eggs feeding him bits of lettuce from her sandwich, just listening. When she heard a familiar voice calling to her, “Fern! There you are, when you said you were on lunch I thought I would pop by for coffee and see how your first half went with the big bad... Why hello Dr. Wulf” Maxine’s eyes sparkled with playful mischief. 

Fern couldn't help but giggle at the annoyed look on Solas’s face, nodding at Daelyn she introduced them. “Maxine meet Daelyn Wulf, Daelyn this is my best friend in the whole world, Max.” 

Max sat down right next to Solas, completely in his comfort zone bubble, mostly on purpose and probably because she was Max. “Daelyn, you have magnificent hair! Has anyone ever told you that? Because it’s the stuff most women would pay me hundreds of dollars to even come close to. Those are beautiful auburn curls you got going on missy, and those cheekbones, mercy your papa is going to need a giant stick to keep those boys away. Sweet Mother of Pearl Fern!? What the heck do you have there?”

The girls giggled but it was Daelyn that answered “That's Eggs! He's a naked guinea pig, he's supposed to have hair but he was a lab guinea pig that my dad liberated.” Max smacked Solas in the arm, “Look at you, “Mister Save-the-Animals”, you're like some kinda weird hippy slash Mister bad a…” Fern screamed out “Acorn, bad acorn.” Glaring at her friend.

Max nodded like Fern was touched in the head “Right Acorn, anyhow, I have to run, I knew I would find you out here lounging on the lawn, just not with such cool company, give me some sugar, sugar.” She hugged Fern, and kissed her cheek, “You too small fry with the locks to die for!” hugging and kissing her cheek, “Hey! Nurse lady that I never met because my friend is rude and now this is awkward.” She hugged and kissed the nurse leaving only one left, “Wulf, woolfie, com’on buddy?” 

Daelyn was laughing hysterically “Oh Max, daddy doesn't like to be touched.” Nodding Max held out her fist “Not a PDA guy, I feel ya, Wulf,” when he declined to give her a fist bump, she shook her hand “OOOH Ouch cold, I’ll make ya love me yet. Eggs, my man, nice to meet you sorry about the lab testing and naked thing, we should work on that. Fern, Red, Nurse lady, Eggs, big bad... Keep it real, and we shall do this again.”

They all watched her jog across the lawn back to her bright yellow VW beetle and drive off beeping and waving as she passed. Chuckling the nurse spoke up “Margaret, my name is Margaret and this has been quite the adventure today.” 

Solas was eyeing Fern as he responded, “Yes quite, well Dr.Lavellan, it’s about time we got back.” She watched Daelyn’s face fall “But daddy, we never got to practice walking”. Before he could answer her, Fern jumped in “Well it’s a fair distance from here to the door, how about you and I take Eggs for a walk?” 

Daelyn looked at her dad, when he nodded, she got excited “I've never gone that far before.” Fern looked at Solas concerned, “Well, let’s push a little today and go as far as you can, but we are all here if you need us”. She put Eggs in his ball and the three of them set off. 

Halfway across the lawn, Daelyn needed to stop, Fern hugged her, Solas was jogging towards them when Fern stopped him, Daelyn started walking more. She made it all the way to the door on her own where Fern picked her up and the two of them had a victory dance. 

Giving her a tight hug, "It was nice to meet you Daelyn, hopefully, we can do this again.” Solas grabbed Fern’s arm before she could go, he handed her the key to his office and Eggs, “Could you put him back, while I walk Margaret and Daelyn back upstairs? If you want, you can wait for me there, just leave your stuff on the couch.“ She nodded and took the little naked guy in the ball picking him up from the ground in the hallway, the two of them walked back to the office. 

Scooping him out from his cage, she was talking to Eggs when Solas returned. Fern smiled at him, almost expectantly, and then her face fell when she saw the coldness of the morning return. Crestfallen, she gathered her stuff, “I'm ready when you are Doctor.”

*************** 

He was literally making her crazy with his bipolar behavior and mixed signals. She had been working with him for 3 months and almost every day she had lunch with his little family. Daelyn had been released two months ago, but her nurse still brought her every day to see her dad at lunch. Max even came once a week to style Daelyn’s hair for her, and he was solicitous and even warm when they had lunch, but the moment they were back in his office he was cold and condescending. 

Today Max had shown up to do Daelyn’s hair but she came early because she had something for Eggs. Catching the two in the office before they headed out she handed Fern a cream, “Here, this is what I was talking about.” Fern took the little pink guy and started rubbing the cream into his skin. Solas was eyeing her warily, and he was always on guard whenever Max was around, clearing his throat “So, um, I would like it if you two would stop trying to use my daughter to get to me.” 

Fern looked up at him shocked, the greased guinea pig in her hands, but it was Max that jumped in “You want us to what? So for the last three months, you think that I've been coming over here spending time with her doing her hair so that Fern can get a good review? Honey, I know how you get the good grades and it's on your knees or back, not doing a french braid, and if you think for one second my girl here is anything but fucking amazing, then you are blind. She works her ass off for you. She puts her 12 to 14 hours a day in for you, at the hospital. Then goes home and studies every Maker forsaken case you had that day, seeing how she could have done better, how she could have impressed you more, for another 4-5 hours.” 

Fern couldn't look up, she was just rubbing the cream into Eggs, praying Max would stop, but she knew she was just getting started.

“If in three months you haven't learned one goddamn thing about either of us it's this… no one makes me do anything, I'm here because I want to be, I spend my time with Dae because it makes me happy to make her happy. Fern, she is as genuine as they come, if she gives you her attention it's not for personal gain. Her grades and performance will earn her a good review, of that I have no doubt, and I know she genuinely enjoys her time with Dae as much as I do.” 

Stepping into his personal space, she spoke slow and low.

“Now I know you're not a stupid man, and as much as you want to believe that I'm a fucking airhead, I'm not. So whatever shit you have going on in that bald head of yours, you need to deal with your drama and stop making my girl here miserable, who, by the way, pretty much thinks you are a god. Just remember Wulfie, you can huff and puff, but I know a woodsman.”

Poor Fern was rubbing the hell out of Eggs, he seemed to love it but it was bordering on frantic and indecent. Max took the slippery pig, putting him back in his cage before he had no skin left to grow hair on, leaving the two of them alone, while she went to keep a promise to a cute red head.

His voice was so soft that she had to strain to hear it, “I’m worried that when this is all over, it will be one more person who forgets her and walks out of her life.” Fern picked up her lunch, eyeing him warily “Dr. Wulf… Solas, you've met my very best friend, and I don't know how it is with your friends but with mine ... what you're worried about, that's not how friendship works. Now if you will excuse me, I'm going to go have lunch with my friends Daelyn, Margaret, and Max, you're welcome to join us, but that's entirely up to you.”

It took him a couple minutes of standing there, looking at the door she had just vacated before he could get his feet moving, spotting the girls on the lawn, he jogged over and zerberted Dae’s cheek making her laugh, hugging him. “Daddy, Fern was just telling us about how she's trying to help Eggs grow his hair back, and because of the cream, he's now all slippery and now covered in wood chips and fluff. 

He was watching Fern as she laughed, and was making animated gestures telling a story about how Cullen got caught raiding the neighbors garden and his dad made him work with the lady every weekend weeding. She made a mocking dad voice “If you're going to benefit off the hard work of others, then you need to contribute something, otherwise, you are just a parasite.” Laughing her smile faded a little “He helped her every year after that just because.”

Solas watched the clouds roll in over her features, “How is your brother doing since I saw him last?”

Smiling she nodded but her eyes were still sad. “He's seeing Dr. Pavus once a week and he seems to be doing much better, but I'm still not sure he’s telling the whole truth about that night.” 

Daelyn looked concerned “What happened to Cullen, Fern?”. Fern looked at Solas for guidance but he seemed as lost as her. Taking a deep breath, “Well Dae, Cullen has always had a tender heart, when he got out of high school he was a little lost. He followed his heart and became a soldier for about four years, He ended up going to war and while I don't know what he had to do over there, I can only imagine the bad things he saw. When he came back, Dae, his heart wasn't so tender anymore, and there was a lot of sadness in his eyes. He lost his way for a little while, and end up making himself sick with bad choices, ending up in the hospital, and that was the first day I met your dad, he was taking care of Cullen. Now he's talking to a special doctor about stuff that made him sad.” 

Solas started to laugh, “Oh Daelyn, you should have seen Fern and Max that first time, they were at a renaissance fair when the hospital called them, they came running into the emergency room in their costumes I thought they were… well, let's just say I thought they were odd.” Daelyn was so excited “Oh daddy! Can we go next year, can I dress up?” Max cheered “Absoflippinglutly! I will design you one to match ours. Here, look at our photos from the last few years.” 

She showed Solas, Daelyn, and Margaret the costumes of the last 6 years. Solas was impressed “You made all of these Maxine?”, Fern championed her friend, “And she did all the hair and makeup for them.” Nodding he smiled, “You are very talented, my dear.” Max smirked, “Careful, Wulfy or someone might think you like me.” 

Solas and Fern worked a lot of hours together, one day, he was acting kind of weird. Finally exasperated, she couldn't take it anymore. “Dr. Wulf, you have been edgy all damn day, what is it?” 

Sighing, he handed her a letter obviously made by Daelyn, reading it, it was an invitation to her birthday party, grinning she pulled out her phone. In her best OMG party girl voice “Maxie! You will never guess what I'm holding in my hand!” Fern made a squealing noise. “No, it's even better, it's an invitation to the hottest party in town … Miss Daelyn Wulf is turning seven and we scored an invitation... I know right. I better RSVP right now so she doesn't change her mind … Ok, wait, let me ask.” Looking at Solas, her voice suddenly normal like he had imagined the other “Max wants to know if there will be cake, and maybe a pony, but no freaky ass clowns... She also wants to know if she can do face painting for the kids?” 

Mentally checking the list off “Yes to the cake, no to clowns or pony, and only if she wants to.”

“You get that Max?” Ok, I will let her know when I see her in a half hour.” 

Two weeks later, a giant pink limo pulled into the Wulf house driveway, Max and Fern jumped out wearing tiaras and feather boas shouting for them to come out. When Max abducted the birthday girl much to her father's dismay, Fern came in with bags and bags of decorations and things. Cullen pulled up with more. Pointing to them “What on earth is all that?” Fern giggled, "Well your idea of a princess party was to have some princess balloons and a sad cake with Disney on it …. I am here to give my littlest bestie her princess party blowout. So help me get stuff ready, the cake will be delivered in an hour."

Two hours later the house was swathed in so much pink that he didn't recognize it, she even had a huge blow up castle front entrance over the doorway for when the girls arrived. He had talked to Daelyn a half hour ago and she assured him that Max had not sold her into slavery, or her organs on the black market, whatever that meant. 

There were tiaras, sashes, wings and feather boas for all the girls, the boys had swords, medals, sashes and crowns for all the prince charming that they were. Max had supplied people for nail stations and face painting stations. 

The back yard had a fishing pond manned by Cullen in hip waders. Further down, was a jousting ring her father dressed as a knight was manning. The final event for all the kids was going to be a scavenger hunt using a treasure map. 

The loot bags were filled with treats and treasures there was even a mock photo booth that a professional photographer lent Max for the afternoon. Becca had made the cake inside it was 7 layers each a different shade of pink and the frosting was an ombre pink rose swirls, with soft pink at the bottom and the sugar tiara resting it the deep pink on the top. 

When the kids started to arrive, Fern called Max’s cell telling her to send the princess on her way. They all assembled on the front lawn, and Solas was blown away when a Cinderella horse-drawn carriage stopped in front of his house. Footmen and a crier leapt out to announce her arrival.

Solas was lost when Max helped her out of the carriage. He wanted to cry, she had designed a princess dress that completely hid her braces, with a full skirt and an odd dragon mount she could use as support for walking or sit and be pushed. Either way, the woman had given his baby the gift of being just a normal kid, he was amazed.

Standing, taking it all in as kids ran from station to station, the excitement was palpable, Fern stopped next to him and hip checked him. “I wanted to give her one day where she didn't hurt and life just wasn't hard, I know you do everything you can for her, but today was all about being a normal girl... Well or what passes for normal with Max around.” Shaking his head she saw his eyes were shiny, standing there in his customary pose with his hands behind his back, “Thank you, Fern. I…I need to make a phone call.”

She found him later in his study he was staring out the window at the festivities on the back lawn, she hadn't meant to do it but he seemed so lost, putting her hand on his shoulder he smiled unclasping his hands from behind his back he rested his fingers over hers. “Fern, why have you never asked me once about Dae’s mother?” She was quiet for a moment weighing her words “I won't lie, I've wondered about her, but, if you wanted me to know, you would have told me.”

Waving his hand out at the party. “Thank you for all this, some days I forget that she's a little girl and needs a mom,” laughing his voice was raspy with emotions “I never had a good example which is probably why I picked as poorly as I did. I met Isolde my first year as an ER doc, she was a doctor too, well probably still is… we dated for two weeks then ran off and got married our ambitions fuelled us and I loved her beyond reason.” 

Taking a breath he smiled at something “When she told me she was pregnant I was surprised but excited, she, however, was not. I had to beg her not to abort Dae and finally I stalled long enough that she couldn't. I knew she resented me for it but I foolishly thought that once she was born it would change… Well it changed. Delivery was hard on Isolde, she was small and the cord was wrapped around Dae’s neck cutting off the air, I was screaming inside just let me do it.  
When my princess was born, we both knew within a few months that things were not Ok. Isolde never held her again after that, she treated her like damaged goods. One day I came home from a 2 days business trip, and Margaret here with a note. She had left and was petitioning for termination of parental rights under the stance that I bullied and forced her to have a child she never wanted…. So when my daughter turned one-year-old, I became a single dad. I have never looked for her, spoken with her or even heard from her since.” 

He turned to face her taking her hand in his, “Thank you Fern, thank you for showing my baby what it's like to have a woman in her life that cares, even if it's just for one day, thank you for giving her a mom.” He kissed the back of her hand, “Shall we get ready for that cake your stepmother brought? And when did that happen?” 

Laughing Fern shook her head “Oh it hasn't officially, we just like her more than our mother. Let’s just say that Katherine Lavellan and Isolde Wulf would have been besties.”

Cheering as the candles were blown Daelyn whispered to Fern “Do you want to know what I wished for?” Shaking her head no, Fern replied “You can't tell me or it won't come true!!”, Fern lit one of the candles again “Quick for good luck”.

Solas was different in the month since the party, more open. He brought her coffee and walked her to her car every evening holding her door for her. Fern was becoming a regular at the Wulf house, dinner and a movie once a week on their day off. She was having a glass of wine with him after Daelyn was in bed, they were talking about a particularly hard case they had that week. She was relaxed, her legs were stretched out on the small sofa, when he came to sit with her but before she could move them, he refilled her glass and put her feet into his lap. He started to gently massaging her feet; she had been wearing sandals and had minions painted on her toes. The week before she had taken Daelyn to get hers done, he assumed that's when the minions invaded. Smiling at his questioning look, Fern simply answered, “I have to be professional and respectable to the point of boring in most areas of my life because of my last name, and who my brother is…. My toes are my one guilty pleasure.”

His fingers worked magic to the point that she was slightly embarrassed by the moans that were coming from her, but she couldn't help it; between his fingers and the wine she was lost. Laying her head on the back of the couch as she sat sideways, reaching out, she caressed his face “You know, you're quite attractive when you let people see the real you. Like right now, I want you to kiss me so badly.”  


His fingers stilled on her toes, he had wanted that for a long time since before the night of Daelyn’s party, he had been having thoughts of taking her on the desk in the office they shared now. He loved her smell. When her lab coat hung on the back of the door, he would put his over on top of it so his would smell like hers all day.  
So many inappropriate thoughts ricocheted in his head every day, like what would her lips taste like, how would it feel to hold her, would she cry out his name when he made love to her. The morning after would she be all sleepy, rumpled and sexy, or would she look cute and innocent, how would she taste. Maker, how he wanted to know that last one, it haunted him.  


Leaning forward he cupped the back of her head, pressing his lips softly to hers, he could feel the softness of her skin and taste the wine on her lips. Thrusting his tongue into her mouth, he moved over top of her, they both moaned, pulling her hard against him she could feel his impressive arousal.  
Just as his lips were starting to trail down her neck, there was a knock at the door, Cullen was her ride tonight, and he had come to get her. Cursing, they untangled and he helped her unsteadily to her feet, kissing the back of her hand as he opened the door “till Monday then?” Nodding yes “till Monday. Or no wait tomorrow is that stupid fundraiser we both have to go it's for the new equipment.” Waving a finger at him …. "if I have to go, you have to go."  
Max had spent all day doing Ferns hair and makeup, she had told her all about the kiss and the girls decided to blow the Wulf down.

Her dress was a Max original, fingering the fabric, Fern was amazed at the dress, “Max when people ask, what am I supposed to tell them this dress is?”. Shaking some of the tulle skirt, she was distracted as she answered “Well, technically it's a soft lavender form hugging floor length chiffon fit and flare gown, the naked part up here is called an illusion cap sleeves and bateau neckline, because we want to keep the girls in check they are covered in a sweetheart bodice with lace appliqués, but for the drama at the back, a keyhole illusion. All of this covered by a flared tulle overlay skirt, sweep train. In the end, though… all they need to know, is that it’s a Maxine Rutherford, and it's just going to make you look badass. Your mother didn't want one of my dresses, so I offered to make one for Cullen’s date.”

Mischief flashing in her friend's eyes Fern was wary, “Who’s Cullen’s date?” Smirking Max looked up from the floor where she was fixing some imaginary flaw in the dress, “Katherine really should have let me dress her, I've seen what she’s wearing, I've dressed her every year till now. 

Let’s just say, one Miss Rebecca Trevelyan, will be in a Maxine Rutherford’s two-piece silk chiffon and lace dress set. The main dress a strapless number showing off her ample breasts, but still giving her modesty with a sweetheart A-line. But adding to the drama of the piece, is a directionally ruched empire bodice, that I painstakingly hand-beaded lace the trim, a bias cut skirt accented with cascading side drape, and because all girls love the drama, a sweep train. The matching bolero jacket with short sleeves once again hand beaded by yours truly and lace trim, the official color is mink but technically it's a coffee with cream color.” 

Max was putting final touches on Fern's hair and makeup as she stepped back to scrutinize her work. “I came from Becca’s house doing her hair and makeup… Once again, I offered my services to Katherine first, and she had some professionals coming to do it. 

So Becca is, well here look, I took a photo, Carrington is going to fuck her hair up in the coat closet, I just know it.”

Fern covered her hands with her mouth, “Oh my god! Mother is going to lose her shit!! She looks amazing! What are you and Daelyn doing tonight?” 

Rubbing gloss on Fern’s lips, Max answered “I'm taking baby Wulf to the drive in, show her how movies should be viewed, fill her full of junk food and then we will get tattoos, make her a coke mule, teach her to work the pole. Or you know, after the movie she will go to bed, and I will wait for Cinderella to return from the ball. Smack your lips together... Ok now smile, good, no lipstick on your teeth.” 

She turned Fern to face the mirror, Max’s rule was no mirrors till the big reveal, her onyx hair that had lived in a messy bun for almost a year was a tumble of dark soft curls that framed her face. Fern’s makeup was in the old Hollywood style, the brown smokey eye makeup accenting her hazel ones, and the nude gloss giving her lips shine. She was rocking the natural makeup look, the only jewelry were long ropes of graduated diamond earrings that brushed against her collarbone as she moved. “Well, Cinderella, are you ready for the ball? Don't lose one of your Louboutin’s, that would be a tragedy.”

She walked into the event on her dad's arm with her mother, Cullen and Becca hadn't arrived yet.  
When she spotted Solas in his tuxedo, she could tell he was trying not to leave. Slipping in beside him, she linked her arm over his. "I’ll save you if you save me." Looking at her, he was stunned; her huge glasses, scrubs and messy hair were gone. He couldn't even speak, he just rested his hand over hers on his arm, his thumb caressing the back of her hand as they stood together. Resting her other hand on Solas’s shoulder, she leaned in whispering “You look amazing, you should wear tuxes more often to the office.” Smiling he dared a sideways glance at her, “You wear that to the office, and I will wear my tux, though in your case it's the beautiful woman in the clothing that makes it stand out, you look stunning Philomena.” 

Before she could correct him there was a stir and Solas was pointing “Who is Cullen with? Oh… oh dear god, this is going to get messy, did you bring a doctor's bag?”

Carrington was lost, his wife was here, on his arm. Then his son showed up with Rebecca, all he wanted to do was sweep her up in his arms and tell her how amazing she looked, and how much he wanted her. 

Fern and Solas made their way over to her parents as Cullen and Becca headed their way Cullen nodded "Mom, Dad I would like to introduce you to an amazing woman, Rebecca, this is my father Carrington, and my mother Katherine." Cary took her hand with his ring on it, and kissed the finger giving her a smoldering look. “Rebecca, in case my son has neglected to tell you this evening, you look amazing.” Fern couldn't resist “You have to be wearing a Maxine Rutherford original, we’re like mother and daughter tonight.” 

Katherine was at a loss on how to get control back so she pressed herself against Carrington purring “My heart, would you please get me a drink?” She ran her painted nail up and down his lapel. Cringing, he extracted himself from her grasp, nodding to his son, “Of course Katherine... Fern, Rebecca, Solas, can Cullen and I get you anything?” 

The night was long, her mother wouldn't let go of her father's arm, Fern dragged her to the bathroom giving her dad the nod she watched as he pulled Rebecca into his arms on the dance floor, the couple then quickly extracting themselves for a walk alone. Her mother, ever the socialite, found someone else to hang on while her husband was off, trying to refrain from ruining Becca’s hair and makeup. Fern danced with her father, brother and numerous other men who asked, but the one she wanted to dance with kept avoiding her. He was watching her the entire night, his gaze made her feel beautiful, but she wished he would dance with her, just to feel his arms around her. 

The evening was coming to a close, she was shocked when he snatched her arm as she was following her father's lead, he took her out to the magnificent gardens. No sooner did he have her around the corner that he was crushing his lips to hers. “Fern, how am I supposed to be a gentleman and keep my hands to myself? Normally, it's a test in self control, after our kiss last night, it's all I can think of, tonight, it's torture. You should go, you should be with someone your own age, I'm too old for you, you have so much left to do”. Laughing she ran her hands in his jacket over his chest “I'm 28, you're 42, 14 years is nothing, look at my dad and Becca, he worships that woman, he doesn't care that she's younger than him, she makes him happy… let me make you, make us happy, Solas?”  
Kissing her hard, he made love to her mouth with his tongue, his fingers in her hair holding her close to him. Pulling back, he kissed her hand, shaking his head “I'm sorry, I...I just can’t,” turning his body away from her, he left her stunned, tears threatening. 

She ran into her father and Becca. Becca knew the drowning look, needing to save her from the eyes of the ballroom. Rebecca shooed Carrington away, slipping the young woman into a side room and just held her, listening to her lament at how he just left her with no reason. “I don't understand one minute, he was kissing me, the next he was just gone?!”. Becca kissed her forehead, “Boys are stupid, and men are just boys who dress better.”  
Katherine was too drunk to walk without help, so Cullen and Fern took her home, Carrington took his girl home. They only had to stop once pulling into a side road so he could take her on the hood of the Bentley. When they finally made it home, they didn't come up for air, for two days. 

Walking into the office, Solas was his usual self, all business. Fern wasn't wearing her glasses today and her hair was in a simple ponytail making her look fresh faced and young, and all Solas could think of was how her hair would look splayed across his pillow.

They were working a double shift that day, her feet hurt, she was mad at him for kissing her, then being a coward; it was hour 16 of their 24 hours shift. Cullen had called her phone 3 times in the last 2 hours but she couldn't stop, there was too much shit going on in the ER that she couldn't take the calls, she would have to call him back when she could. 

The squawk on the radio dispatch said nothing they wanted to hear, but it was nothing they hadn't heard before. “Male 24, possibly intoxicated drove head on into an on coming train, vitals low and pulse shallow, multiple trauma, and broken bones, two collapsed lungs, still alive, next of kin has been contacted and en route, ETA three minutes. 

Shaking her head she looked at Solas, “Well he is either the luckiest or the unluckiest.” She was cut off from the rest of her statement as, her phone rang back to back, calls from her dad, then her mom. She almost picked up the one from Max, when she was standing in the ambulance driveway, waiting with the team. Before she could, she saw the flashing lights and finally just turned her phone off, she was going to be here awhile.  
The EMT’s were briefing them as they prepared to bring the stretcher out, before Fern could look down she heard her name being screamed. Turning to see her father sprinting towards her, snatching her by the waist, he spun her away. “No, no don't look!”  
She was fighting her father trying to push past him but Solas blocked her shouting “Dr. Lavellan! Step down, you can't be here, Fern please. Let me help him, let me save Cullen.” 

The last word sunk into her brain, and all the jumble of words slammed into her, head on. She fought hard to get past finally, they let her go and she looked into the broken and bloodied face of her beautiful baby brother, his curls were slick with blood and gore, she couldn't even recognize him, there was so much trauma. 

She was hysterical, Solas grabbed her face and made her focus on him, shouting to the others to get him in and stable so he could go to surgery. “Fern… Fern, we haven't lost him yet, let me do this for you, go to my office with your family, I will be there the second he is safe and stable.”

Tears running down her face, she could only nod. It felt like hours, they waited, she heard the code team called twice overhead. Her parents and Max were there, when Rebecca showed up, Carrington fell apart in her arms, no one said a damn word. 

Max and Fern were clinging to each other, Katherine was sitting there, she didn't cry, she didn't yell she just sat there stunned at how this had all happened to her. When the door finally opened, it was Dorian, the moment Fern saw him she knew, losing it she didn't hear a word he said other than they tried their best … realizing how many times she had said those exact words and just now realizing how stupid they sounded, shouting at him “If you had tried your best, he would be alive.” 

Pushing past them she needed air, suffocating, she was gasping. Sprinting to the roof sliding down the brick wall she turned her phone on and the first message was from him. 

Her body convulsed and she vomited on the cement as she heard his words, “Fern pick up please, I'm... I'm drowning here I... I went and saw Solona today, I had to, Fern. Today, today was supposed to be our wedding day. Fern! Please pick up, or call me back, it’s messing with my head.” She played the next message his voice was slightly slurred “Fern, it's Cullen, where are you? Please, she looked so happy, how can she be so happy when, I still love her?! Fern, she was supposed to be mine forever.”

The last message she could hear the car music and hear his desperation, what she didn't hear was his drunk voice, it was sad, and she could tell he was crying but he wasn't drunk. “I can't Fern, I just can't do this anymore. The nightmares, the shit and now her, she's married and she's pregnant. She dumped me because she never wanted either of those and now, now she's going to have another man’s baby. Oh, Fern, it hurts so fucking bad, make it stop, make her stop, get her out of my head, I can’t, oh maker, I just can't anymore.” She heard his voice change, the emotion gone, she new in that moment he had made the decision, determination replaced his tears. “I'm sorry Fern. Tell everyone… Tell them I love them, I'm, I’m just too weak, I’m so fucking sorry.”

She was crying so hard the sobs were silent, pitching forward the gravel dug into her knees but she didn't care, her head against the cement. If she had just answered her damn phone, just taken one of his calls. She didn't know how long she cried, the rain had come and soaked her, it was now a steady staccato on the cement. Suddenly the roof door burst open, slamming against the wall making her jump. It was Solas, she was about to call out to him when he stumbled forward and crumbled against the wall, his back was to her. On his knees holding onto the ledge, his whole body shook with sobs, he was still covered in blood from trying to save Cullen. Fern couldn't stop herself, she knelt behind him wrapping her arms around him and just held on he kept repeating “I couldn't save him for you, I'm so sorry.”

******************** 

One day bled into another, plans were made and she found herself standing at his graveside alone after everyone else had left, she came back. 

It had been a beautiful ceremony, all the right words were said, no one talked about how he had taken his own life, everyone acting like it was totally fucking normal for a healthy 24-year-old to be dead. She sat there alone in a chair, on the fake green cloth they draped over the dirt that would soon cover his body, taking him from her forever. The photo on the casket was one he had hated, but it was her favorite. He was happy in that photo, so full of life and hope.  
She didn't speak or cry, she had no more tears, she just sat there waiting, she didn't know for what or, for whom but she waited. Evening came and the graveyard was quiet, and still she waited. 

When they finally came and said they were sorry but they had to lower him in and cover the casket, she only nodded, still waiting. The rain started and she watched as it saturates the soft earth they had poured over him. She could smell the sickly sweet scent of the lilies in the arrangements that were laying on the dirt mound, how ironic she thought to herself, that you kill something to mourn the passing of someone. 

The cold metal chair was slowly leaning as the rain softened the earth around its legs and yet still, she waited. When she couldn't feel her toes and her lips were blue, her teeth chattering then, then she started to walk. 

She could have gone anywhere, lots of places were close, but her feet took her where her heart needed to be. It was one in the morning, and she rang his doorbell the time didn't even occur to her. Standing there soaked he opened it and stifled a sob "I was so worried about you," holding her tight he texted Max, “I have her, she's safe. Tell her parents, she will call in the morning.”  
Throwing his phone on the table, he pulled her to his bedroom, she was still in the clothes from the funeral, he ran a hot bath and slowly peeled her out of her wet clothing. Helping her in, she hugged her knees to her chest, when he went to leave her, she grabbed his hand, her plea broke him with a simple word “Stay.” 

Slipping naked in behind her, he washed her hair and body, helping her get warm. Solas held her as she found new tears, he kissed and comforted her as she fell apart one last time. 

Her head on his chest both of them naked in the tub. Her voice small and weak left her mouth, “I love you, and I'm tired of pretending that I don't.” Holding her tight he kissed the top of her head, “Well, then maybe it's time we both stopped pretending.” 

Helping her out of the tub, he dried her like a little girl, wrapping her in a big fluffy towel, brushing her hair, he gave her one of his shirts, looking up at him clinging to his arm “Would it be OK if I slept in here? I don't want to…please, I just can’t be alone…”

Kissing her softly, he nodded, helping her into the bed with him, covering them both he pulled her against his chest. Kissing her softly whispering words of love, and comfort into her hair. 

Slowly she turned in his arms and began kissing him, softly at first, each one becoming more reassured, “Solas, please.” Her words were the final blow, crumbling the wall he had erected for so long, the dam exploded through, emotions saturating him, his need for her rocking through him, he clung onto her like he was drowning. His hands caressing her skin, his lips tasting her flesh, every thing he ever dreamed of doing to her was possible now, and he planned on going through the list. 

Fern yanked his shirt over her head, pressing her naked chest into him, straddling him. His hands ran up her torso cupping her breasts, his thumbs running over her nipples as she arched back and moaned. She had him trapped with her body, the velvet lips pressed against his hard flesh, he was well aware that all she had to do was roll her hips and he was inside her. 

The need to know what she tasted like had haunted him for more than one night in this very bed, Flipping her to her back, with a predatory growl, he slid down and held her legs open wide. His chest heaving with excitement, he gazed at her heated core, moaning deep in his throat as her taste burst over his tongue, he ran the flat of his tongue through her slick folds. Finding her clit, he was in a frenzy, the need making him like a virgin again lost at what he wanted. Her movements and pleas gave him direction, the need to hear more of her passion, wanting to take her higher, he lapped at her swollen clit. Fingers invading her slick walls, taking her hard making her writhe under his attentions. Holding her hips down with one arm, he settled in for the duration teasing, and tasting her when she shattered around his fingers and her juice rolled over his tongue he was lost, he needed more.

Her hands were caressing his bald head pulling his face up to hers, she tasted herself on his lips and moaned. Her moans soon turned to cries of pleasure as he thrust into her, her body opening around him, welcoming him inside her, caressing the smooth satin of his cock, her flesh pulsing against his. 

He was bigger than she had expected, and the stretch burned a little, but she felt alive in his arms, rocking her hips against his, he thrust hard into her over and over. 

Taking her hands, he pinned them above her head, rolling his hips against hers, he slowed his pace, finding control to make love to her. His eyes never left hers, becoming drunk on her. Everything he didn't know how to say, his eyes told her, tears, happy tears filled her eyes slipping into her ears, nodding she whispered, “Me too, me too.” When she found her release wrapped around his body, he made her ride it out, drinking in her pleasure. 

Moments before he found his, she whispered in his ear “I love you.” The feeling of her body and her words made him skyrocket, he felt himself exploding deep inside her. With each thrust brought more, he didn't want to stop, wanting this feeling to last forever. Wrapping his arms around her, he snuggled her into his chest, both of them waking up through the night to make love more than once. 

Fern opened one eye, sunlight filtering into the room, slowly coming alive as she stretched back against him. That's when she noticed, Daelyn was sitting there, Fern could feel Solas stirring, trying to take her from behind. Patting his hand calling his name, holding the blankets tight around her naked chest, she needed to make him open his eyes, before he was giving Daelyn an eye full. 

Sitting up suddenly when he realized they were caught, neither adult knew what to say.  
Then out of the mouth of babes, “Fern, are you my momma?”

She looked at the little girl confused, tucking a red curl behind Dae’s ear, “What do you mean, sweetie?” 

Taking a deep breath, “Well, Stacey from school said that I would know who my momma was because she would sleep with my dad, and you slept over so does that mean you are going to be my mom?” 

Solas kissed Ferns bare shoulder, snickering, his hands were on her hip massaging, making concentrating hard. 

But Daelyn was persistent “I know you didn't give birth to me, but could you be my mom, like your dad and Max. We could have the same last name, and stuff?” 

Solas grinned at her “Yes Fern, you could live with us and stuff?” She looked at him shocked, 

“You guys actually want me to move in here?” 

Daelyn rolled her eyes “Well it's hard to be a family if you don't, and that was my birthday wish, so now you have to make sure it comes true because I told you.” 

Fern laughed, Solas took her hand and kissed it, “How can you argue with an argument like that Philomena? I mean, it is a birthday wish after all…” 

Nodding Fern grinned at them both “Ok then, you Missy need to go get stuff to make pancakes in the kitchen, your dad and I will be out there in a minute.” When the door clicked closed he thrust hard into her, swallowing her cries he took her hard and fast, both of them shattering with in moments. 

She was wearing his shirt and sleep pants as the three of them made breakfast together laughing and being silly. Daelyn shouted pointing out the window “Look, Fern a rainbow today is going to be a magical day!” The three of them stood there together Solas holding Fern to him, as she leaned down to kiss the top of Dae’s head, “Yes baby, it's going to be the first day of many.”

Ten months later, her husband was looking at her over her wet swollen belly, kneeling between her legs in the water “That's it, my Love, I can see his head, one more push Fern!” gripping Maxine's hand in a birthing pool, set up in the middle of their living room. Daelyn was watching her baby brother being born from a safe distance, she had begged her parents to let her be there, promising to stay out of the way. 

Bubba was cuddled into Dae’s side as he watched, a finally furry Eggs rolling around in his ball. 

Carrington and Rebecca were on standby for the call of their first grandson. Katherine, after Cullen’s death she had decided she needed to find herself, she was traveling the world with a friend, sending her love in postcards every so often. 

Through gritted teeth, she bared down and pushed as hard as she could, feeling her body stretch and relinquish the baby she had carried for the last nine months. Tears were running down his face as he placed his son on her belly, in that moment he couldn't have loved her anymore if he tried, the furious wails filled the room as he took care of his wife, she held the baby. Maxine’s head resting against the side of Ferns, both of them crying. “You did good momma, you did good.” 

They could hear Daelyn on the phone, doing her task. “Grandpa, Baby Cullen has arrived safe and sound, momma, daddy and aunt Max said, come in an hour... And umm could you ask Grandma to bring me a sticky bun please?”

**Author's Note:**

> Once again I would Like to thank my Beta Domi for taking something that wasn't half bad and making it into this. You Rock !!!


End file.
